Finally, the inner peace has arrived. It has been slowly creeping in since the holidays . . . and it has taken the efforts of a herculean giant to hold onto . . . but day after day it continues.
Baba Ran is a regular runaway, for those unaware. The tenor of my life has been so intolerable at times that I simply close the door on certain things and escape when needed. Baba always brings me back to clean up the messes I try and leave behind . . . and this time is no different. This time, the disasters are so enormous in my life that all I can do is laugh. As of today, I face financial difficulties like never before, problems with the law, a never ending dispute over the care of my daughter that just gets more outrageous by the minute, a mishandled divorce, a mishandled romance to be . . . on and on and on. Last night I found myself briefly in a jail cell singing "swing low, sweet chariot" and "don't worry be happy." What else can you do at a time like that?
Strangely, though, the peace of mind continues despite the challenges. I said to myself yesterday that I was starting at such a deficit at this point, but for the first time in years I actually have a future plan that feels wonderful and exciting. How odd to be at my worst possible state ever, as far as society goes, and to be looking so forward into the future with hope. I set myself the challenge of "how high can I get from this low starting line?" There's nothing here but shoe polish, really, but I'm singing a good song. That is the craziness of the "faithful," I guess. When there really is NOTHING left but God . . . He finally starts smiling upon you. How grateful I am for that, today, considering that I was sobbing continually about a month ago.
New ideas for the future include a decision to actually seek a publisher for my novel. I am inspired to complete it in Africa . . . and as part of that decision, I would like to begin anew in my old career as a desktop publisher, graphic designer, and publishing coordinator. I have met so many wonderful writers along the way . . . and if I can sell my novel & poetry along with a series of "unknown world artists" from Africa and beyond, I will be so happy. I'm in negotiations with a gorgeously handsome literary agent from Nairobi . . . so we will see what happens. :-)
Sing a song for me, if you can. Show tunes especially appreciated.
Baba Ran is a regular runaway, for those unaware. The tenor of my life has been so intolerable at times that I simply close the door on certain things and escape when needed. Baba always brings me back to clean up the messes I try and leave behind . . . and this time is no different. This time, the disasters are so enormous in my life that all I can do is laugh. As of today, I face financial difficulties like never before, problems with the law, a never ending dispute over the care of my daughter that just gets more outrageous by the minute, a mishandled divorce, a mishandled romance to be . . . on and on and on. Last night I found myself briefly in a jail cell singing "swing low, sweet chariot" and "don't worry be happy." What else can you do at a time like that?
Strangely, though, the peace of mind continues despite the challenges. I said to myself yesterday that I was starting at such a deficit at this point, but for the first time in years I actually have a future plan that feels wonderful and exciting. How odd to be at my worst possible state ever, as far as society goes, and to be looking so forward into the future with hope. I set myself the challenge of "how high can I get from this low starting line?" There's nothing here but shoe polish, really, but I'm singing a good song. That is the craziness of the "faithful," I guess. When there really is NOTHING left but God . . . He finally starts smiling upon you. How grateful I am for that, today, considering that I was sobbing continually about a month ago.
New ideas for the future include a decision to actually seek a publisher for my novel. I am inspired to complete it in Africa . . . and as part of that decision, I would like to begin anew in my old career as a desktop publisher, graphic designer, and publishing coordinator. I have met so many wonderful writers along the way . . . and if I can sell my novel & poetry along with a series of "unknown world artists" from Africa and beyond, I will be so happy. I'm in negotiations with a gorgeously handsome literary agent from Nairobi . . . so we will see what happens. :-)
Sing a song for me, if you can. Show tunes especially appreciated.
