Be the change you wish to see in the world

Here's a brief synopsis:

• Learned to "keep quiet" at a young age . . . to be "seen and not heard." Safer that way.
• Got really good at faking being happy. Got confused about what love really was, because I pretended so much.
• Married really badly at 24 years old.
• Upon birth of my first child, at 33, I finally woke up to what a miserable existence I was leading.
• Started a heartfelt search for meaning. Turned to religions and spiritual teachings for help.
• Continued to remain silent . . . regardless of emotional changes and growth, I did not reveal the lessons of my heart to my "family." Safer that way.
• At 44, under intense pressure from my heart and deteriorating mind, I exploded in anger against society and my family. For over a year, I have been fighting an intense war of criticism toward people who thought I was happy with them.
• Now, I am done. It is time to seek peace within myself, and let others deal with whatever they need to handle without me. Praise God.

According to Buddhist teachings, one must strive to "be the change you wish to see in the world." I have been doing this all along . . . "turn the other cheek" (yup) . . . "seek ye first the kingdom of God" (yup) . . . "suffer the little children" (yup) . . . "love thy neighbor as thyself" (yup) . . . "learn self expression" (yup) . . . "fight the good fight" (yup) . . . and, now, finally "seek peaceful existence amidst the turmoil." Absolutely time, and SO ready.

Happy 2011.