Truth in Pain

Adi K. Irani wrote, in one of the Letters From the Mandali (Meher Baba's close disciples who handled his correspondence):

"Welcome the gifts of effacement of the false self that He offers even though it hurts. In coming to Him, everything dear to us — our friends, our concept of the spiritual path, everything — has to be taken away leaving only Him. Believe me, nothing that anyone has done to you has been done with malice. Each thing done by those who seemed to have hurt you were done out of the sincerity of their perspective of how to serve Baba, no matter how limited that perspective might be.
        This doesn't mean that your feelings of being hurt are not genuine. It is just that we have to grant the sincerity of the motive of others. The nature of the spiritual path is that two people who disagree can both be right. You see, only He is right and everyone else at best has only partial glimpses of the Truth.
        You have been blessed because, in the pain of what you have experienced, a new enthusiasm to reach Him and fall only at His feet has been born in you. This is what is important. Don't dwell on the past, don't be bitter about what has happened, but strive with all your heart to be His. Give yourself completely to Him. He is responsible for your spiritual welfare, don't be concerned about anything else. Remember Him, and automatically you forget yourself."

This has been a quite important reading for me today. It has allowed me to open my heart — in a momentarily small way . . . but as a hugely important beginning — to resentments that have been lingering and causing me pain. I really must remember to "grant the sincerity of the motive of others" and find forgiveness.

In dealing with almost anybody else in my life, forgiveness has been easy to offer and exceedingly natural. I have forgiven "enemies" of all stripes . . . ex-lovers, old friends and coworkers, people who have stolen from me, people who have brought litigation against me . . . occasionally it has taken sincere effort and prayer, but it happens without a care in the end. Today, I am realizing that it is impossible for me to go on ignoring this need in relation to several family members with whom I am in conflict. With those so near and dear, however, the pain of a lifetime of shattered hopes and needs is almost unbearable to overcome. When faced with the realization that there is nowhere else to go but within myself for love and healing . . . and that with bitter blood in my heart, there is not enough room for these tonics . . . I realize, finally, how much I am causing my own pain.

It is a small thing to say, but with deep sincerity, I offer forgiveness in two ways. 1) I forgive myself for being angry. 2) I grant the sincerity of the motives of others, and pray (at Baba's feet) for the ability to forgive them for misunderstanding me.

I want to run away from this entry immediately, so that I may fall on the floor and cry. But, I want to say this first . . . for anyone who doubts the power in the words and the example of Meher Baba and those who love him sincerely . . . you are missing the Truth in living.